Juliana – Chapter 57 Sisters

Time in Willow Creek: 12 months, 1 week, 5 days

“See anything you like?” Rebecca asked.

“I sure do.” Her mouth was watering just reading the name.

“Good.”

They placed their menus down and awaited the return of the server. Amid the silence, Hillary’s comfort was compromised.

“Everything all right?”

Hillary groaned. “I feel like I’m being punished for not finding out earlier. It’s like I’m going through the first trimester all over again!”

It had been a while since Rebecca or anyone in her circle was pregnant. Those awful first trimester days were ones she didn’t want to remember. “That is strange, but every pregnancy is different. None of my four were the same.”

“I just want it to be over.”

“The symptoms, or the pregnancy?”

Hillary didn’t answer and looked away. Rebecca wondered what she was thinking about. Her sister was such a mystery to her; she barely knew her. She had long since been married and away from home when their mother was with child. “How could you be so stupid,” she said to Harriett upon hearing the announcement. She thought she was trying to fix things at home by having another child. It would be three more years before Rebecca became a mother for the first time. She simply had not yet understood the desires of motherhood. When Hillary was born, she tried to get to know her as best she could between her career and her young marriage. Now, sitting there looking at her baby sister go through an experience she had many times over, there was a kinship there. That was something they never really had before. But, at the same time, what Hillary was going through was nothing like anything she ever experienced, and she had no clue how to help her.

“Are you ladies ready to order?”

“Lobster tortellini, please,” Rebecca said.

“Tiramisu for me.”

Rebecca cocked her head at her sister. “Are you sure you need to be eating that?”

“Ugh! You sound like mama!”

“Seriously, Hillary. You need to be conscious of what you’re eating! It’s not just for you, you know.”

She sighed. “I know! Geez! I thought I was having lunch with my sister. If I wanted to be lectured, I could have stayed home.”

It was becoming clearer to Rebecca why their mother had been so frustrated. She didn’t enjoy being compared to her mother, but she couldn’t help it this time. If Hillary weren’t so irresponsible, there wouldn’t be a need for the outing. Their relationship may have been more kin to a warm acquaintance, but that didn’t mean she didn’t care for her. Still, she did not like being accused of mimicking their mother and acquiesced. “Your body, your baby. Eat what you want.”

Hillary nodded at the server who was patiently awaiting confirmation while enjoying the disagreement. He smiled and backed to give their order to the kitchen. Rebecca still looked disappointed.

“What? I’ll have salad or something when I get home,” Hillary said.

Unbelievable.  “This is not a game, Hillary. You may not care about your own health, but you need to start thinking of the baby! How are you still in denial about this?”

She was caught off guard sat there with her mouth gaped. Rebecca was the only person in the family who treated her like the adult she really was and wasn’t afraid to give her the cold, hard truth in a loving way.

“Bringing a baby into the world is serious business. If you’re not going to take this seriously, don’t have it!”

“Rebecca!”

“You know what I mean. Give it up for adoption. Don’t ruin–

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t ruin its life like I ruin everyone else’s, right? I’m painfully aware of how hazardous I am.”

The server tip toed over and tried to place the food and drink on the table and scurry away.

The first few bites of their meals were cold even though the plates were quite warm. The atmosphere at their table turned icy in a matter of seconds. Rebecca tried to clean things up. “Hillary… I wasn’t implying that you would ruin the baby’s life,” she said in a calmer tone. “I think you have the potential to be an excellent mother. Despite whatever is going on between you and the father, I think the child will still feel so loved by you. What I said was if you continue to be irresponsible, you will ruin it. The baby is innocent in all of this and you need to start taking responsibility for what you’ve done.”

Her shoulders slumped and she stabbed her cake a few times. “I’m just not ready! Everything is always about the baby now! It’s like I can’t do anything I want.”

Rebecca shrugged. “That’s motherhood. Your life is not your own once children are in it. Get used to it.”

“Yeah.” She sounded as if she had been defeated and went back to her cake.

“Besides,” Rebecca continued, “you’re 23 years old now. It’s past time for you to stop acting like a child. You are a woman. A lot of responsibilities fall on our shoulders, but we grin and bear it. It’s not always fun, but it’s necessary.”

Hillary didn’t look too happy to hear that, but Rebecca knew it was going to be a tough pill to swallow. She imagined it couldn’t be easy to have someone call her out on her failures and changed the subject slightly.

“So…speaking of the father…are you gonna tell me who it is?”

She shook her head.

“Why is he still a secret?”

She looked like she was weighing her words carefully. “Because… I think he should know first.”

“That’s fair. When do you plan on telling him?”

“When I’m not chicken.”

Rebecca laughed. “And when do you reckon that will be?”

She shrugged.

“Can I get these plates out of your way?” the server asked.

“Please.” Rebecca waited until he was gone to continue the conversation. “I’ve got to get back to the office soon, so let me get on with what I invited you here to say. Firstly, I’m going to throw you a shower at my house when the time comes.”

She looked touched. “Rebecca… You don’t need to–

“I’m throwing a shower, and I don’t need your permission or approval.”

“I appreciate it.”

“I know you’re not feeling overly positive about it yet, and… Well, the situation isn’t exactly ideal, but this is a special time in your life, Hillary. It should be celebrated. Being a mother is one of the best experiences you will ever have in your life.”

Hillary was nodding slowly like she was considering everything her sister said.

“I also want you to get a job as soon as possible.”

She looked like she wanted to roll her eyes but stopped herself. Perhaps she was thinking it was a good idea.

“Mama and daddy have worked their whole lives. It’s time for them to enjoy the fruit of their labor. Their savings and retirement income is supposed to last them the rest of their lives, but you and Juliana and now this baby are eating their money away. Mama is done raising children. Don’t burden her with your responsibility. Own up to what you did, get yourself a job, and take care of yourself and the child.”

Hillary leaned back on the chair. Rebecca could see the wheels turning in her head. She looked scared, but Rebecca remained hopeful that this time she would get it.

“I originally wasn’t going to suggest this, but I know that I should. I want you to get counseling.”

Hillary’s face wrinkled.

“Wait,” she put her hands up in defense, “listen before you turn your nose up. You don’t talk to mama, you don’t talk to Jase, and I assume you don’t talk to Juliana either. You’ve got to talk to somebody, Hillary. You say terrible things about yourself, and you’re not ready to be a mother. You need to get some help.”

She looked like she was considering the offer, but not completely sold.

Rebecca thought a bit of vulnerability would sell it. “Look… I’ve been married four times, Hillary. My first divorce was painful and messy. I didn’t recognize it right away, but I needed help too. There’s no shame in it. If you could have gotten it together on your own, you would have done it by now.”

Hillary nodded.

“Here,” she handed her a card. “I’ve talked to this woman off and on for some years. She’s all the way in Windenburg, but she’s the best and definitely worth the trip. If you see her, I’ll pay for your sessions.”

Hillary’s face lit up. “Cab fare too?”

Rebecca’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not gonna be the only one making the sacrifices here. The least you can do is get yourself there.”