Joneses – 4.7 We’re Not Going to Make It

Mary was in the kitchen cleaning up the breakfast dishes when John came in and sat at the bar. “Mary,” he said with much authority in his voice, “How many times do we have to go through this? Things are different now, and you have got to stop all this wasteful spending!”

He continued, “Do you know how much that spa trip set us back?”

“What do you expect me to do here all day? Get a rocking chair and knit?”

“Be reasonable, dear. We both know arts and crafts are not your forte.”

“NO! No, John! You don’t get to sit there and insult me! You come in here, don’t even greet me, and you start barking orders at me? You don’t get to do that! You know why? Because ALL of this is YOUR fault! YOU are the reason we have no money! I know I can be difficult sometimes, and I know you hate me, but YOU are the one who walked away! My father banned me from my own trust fund because of you! We can’t show our face in Newcrest because of you!”

Mary continued. “The first time you got caught, my father fired you. But you were so smug and selfish, you got caught AGAIN! And who knows how many there were in between. You’ve hurt me to my core! You’ve ruined the future I had planned for us! But you know what John? I’m still here! And not because I have to be for the sake of our son’s future, but because I am TRYING! I’m not ready to be done with us yet!”

“What do you want from me, Mary? What do you want? I mean, really. You know I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“I know, but—

“Hear me out, please. I know I messed up. I know despite how justified I felt, everything boils down to me. I ruined us. I know it. We don’t have access to the trust fund now, so it’s all on me. I’m not at the same level I was when I worked for your father. I just need for both of us to be on the same page.”

Mary conceded. It had been a while since she heard him speak honestly. She was glad he understood what he had done to them, but it also saddened her to think what she did to him made him unhappy. “How bad is it?”

John sighed. “I don’t know how we’re going to make it this month.”

She had never seen John so worried.

“I know I talk a lot about being unhappy and wanting to get divorced; a lot of days, that’s exactly what I want. But, I wouldn’t want to be away from our kids. And…truthfully, being here with no trust fund and everything on my shoulders… Well, it feels good! It feels normal…like how I am on the inside…not this…this puppet you made and parade everywhere. The me on the inside likes being in charge of his family and wants to provide for them. But if his wife keeps insisting on spending money like she has a trust fund to back it up, I’m not sure we’re going to make it. Do you understand?”

John had never explained himself so plainly and calmly before. It made her think about many things. Some of those things frightened her as she was not prepared to let them go yet. “I understand.”